Red Meat and Caffeine – Please!

I heard it said once that if God wanted us to be vegan he would have made us with teeth like cows.  As it is we have canine teeth – designed for ripping and cutting meat.  If you want to be vegan – go ahead – but don’t say God told you to because He didn’t – because He did not equip you that way.

We are living in what has to be the vegan capital of the world.  Seventh Day Adventists are all vegan and do not consume anything with caffeine.  God bless them for their healthy lifestyle.  But mark this well – Lisa and I will never be vegan or caffeine free.  Trust me that decision is self-preservation.  If we could not get red meat or caffeine – one of us would kill the other one within 24 hours.

This is a beautiful place – Loma Linda California.  Some really nice people are here.  It is very safe, the mountain ranges all around us are breath-taking and we can see lemon and orange trees from our little deck at our apartment.  But – these health freaks around here are getting on my nerves.  Get me back to southern cooking where fat is dripping from the steak sandwiches and real butter is slathered on every hot roll and biscuit.  Eat, drink and be merry – this ol’ boy ain’t never gonna eat a vegan hamburger or tofu.  Forget it.

Lisa and I went to the local fitness club tonight with the idea of possibly joining.  Nope!  If we could have seen just one person who was as big a fat ass as Lisa and I – we may have considered it.  Since when did health clubs not allow fat asses in the door?  Is it not for the people like me – people who need to get into shape that these fitness centers exist?  Not here apparently.  I am certain there were people still talking about us when we left.  “Did you see those two fat asses come in?  I think they’ve been eating red meat.”  One lady was so proud of her muscled bottom – she had it stuck up in the air in some spider-like pose – in the hallway.  Do you think she wanted us to look at her tight protuberance?  I think she did.  Let me get down in that pose in spandex and see if anyone is looking.  Oh – they’ll be looking alright and then talking about it for weeks.  “Did you see that fat man having the seizure in the floor the other night at the club?”

This place is like “Stepford wives” only with robotic fitness freaks.  Maybe if Lisa and I were here longer we may be inspired to “drink the water”.  But we are holding out for good Owensboro Bar B-Q, Dipper burgers, New China, and a good Briarpatch steak.

Gosh – we miss Owensboro.  Gosh – we miss Gettysburg.  Gosh – we miss people who need to lose some weight like us.  Here is to the fat asses – eat up!

Love, Steve and Lisa

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